Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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