no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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