90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I still have a little drunk in my system
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
