Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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