I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
