apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I am naked and annoyed.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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