You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
