Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
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