You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
