is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
