Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
we're making bets on your personal life
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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