I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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