Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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