I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
