Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
