New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize