two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
