I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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