We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
