i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
