I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Houston, we have a blender
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
