I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
