It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
