I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
