She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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