dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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