OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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