dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
