There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
