Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
