You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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