how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
