i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It's no shave November. This is our time.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
