I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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