where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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