Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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