Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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