@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
