My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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