Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
