Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
