12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
