Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize