You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize