she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
