i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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