A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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