we have officially mastered the walk of shame
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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