I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize