if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize