Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
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