Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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