R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
