This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
