Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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