i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
