rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
