Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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