There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
