I got chris browned last night
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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