tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
