dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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