Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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