Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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