i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
