when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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