you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
