3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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