whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
