My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize